It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

I'm in the oddest mood ever, and I love it. It's happened dozens of times before, and I love it each time. Like once in a blue mood I just get like crazy hyper and just go nuts, and I fucking love it. I hate the fact that most of my friends don't see this side of me though, because it's so fun. Only my closest friends, and people I don't give a damn about have really seen it, and even some of my close friends haven't. It's honestly me not wanting to deal with the embarressment, because I act like a complete fool, but I wish I could just shake that off and go nuts. Like, this mood makes even the simplest things fun/funny, and that's the most amazing thing. A conversation about nothing today somehow turned into this interesting conversation about anything and everything and nothing, all at the same time. This probably makes no sense to anybody who will ever read this but I really don't care, my energy has to go into something.

On a rather noticeably different note, Kristen said the single most enlightening thing about girls the other night. We were talking about a bunch of random shit, pretty much just because we were both bored, and I started to go on this rant about how girls go for assholes, and never see the nice guys, and what she said was this; "...The challenge is to try and change the asshole into the nice guy they want but can't 'find'. And they never realize they cant succeed, and then they fall in 'love' and settle for nothing because they think they'll never find anything 'better' ". I think that that is indeed the most honest/believable thing to ever come out of a girls mouth about girls. Like really, what is so appealing about an asshole? I mean, I used to be one and I didn't even like the way I was, so I changed, stopped hanging with that group of friends, and changed the way I was. The irony of this whole situation however is that that group of friends is with whatever girl they want to be with.

Fuck it though, still in a great mood. :)

It's all quite on this front.....

I'm down at my uncles right now, visiting him and Maddix, as well as the dog lol. They all seem pretty good. Maddi was excited to see me, which I was extremely happy for, but there was a slightly uneasy undertone to one event today. Trew came down with her mom to drop Maddix off, and the whole time I couldn't help but notice, hell even feel, the emotions being traded between my uncle and Trew. They both seemed like the had hope that things could work out, but at the same time I sensed that feeling that, at least in one of their minds, the chances were slim and still dwindling. I really hope that things work out with them, but it seems good enough for now.

On a different note, everything with my friends seems to be... stable. I mean, there hasn't been any major fighting between me and them, aside from my whole peace-keeping role with the Dorian and Lou fiasco. However, I've begun to notice slight rifts forming between me and a few friends. We're drifting already, and I don't like it. Certain ones I can honestly say I don't care about, but others I do. I've also noticed amazing opportunities presenting themselves to me, but I'm hesitant to act. If I do, it will be a good thing in my eye, at least in the short run, but I can see them having larger effects later on. I don't know, I need advice and I can't find the right people to ask. The ones I want to talk to about it, are the ones that are either involved in it somehow, or ones I don't want to know about the decisions. It's all amazingly confusing, but I'll figure it out.

And none of this is meant to sound like whining. Honestly, it's venting and the fact that I'm trying to keep this thing as up to date as possible.

Infighting

I'm finding that I may have to lose a couple people standing up for one that I haven't exactly gotten along with. Honestly, inside the group of people I hangout with, I'm usually the mediator. Now my brother and my best friend have been acting like complete assholes to Lou. I know me and him don't always see eye to eye, but I have to do something. They are, as my one friend so eloquently stated, "A couple of egomaniacs". They think they are better than everyone for several reasons. My brother thinks he's better because he's that physical jock type of kid, and he thinks his muscles will get him anything from a girl, to a victory in a fight. My best friend seems to think because he spent one semester at college, he's so much wiser than me. Now the kid isn't dumb, and I'm as pissed as him that he couldn't finish, but he is in no way smarter than me.
Anyway, this whole thing started, like most petty arguments, over a girl. Lou recently got back in touch with an old friend from years ago, and made plans to meet up. Now my brother, being the cocky prick that he is, and my best friend decided that they would go with him, "secretly" planning to try to steel this girl away from Lou. When I stood up for him and called my brother a cocky bastard, both of them, including my best friend, turned it around on me. They began to insult me; calling me gay because I haven't tried to fuck every female friend I have, a future failure just because their plans didn't work out as they wanted, and just all sorts of that bullshit. Well, I'm done with it. Me and Lou argue as much as any friends may, but he has always been there. Hell, when my oldest brother had nowhere else to turn, Lou took him in! Idk what the point of this is, I guess I just needed to get it out somehow. I hope I can do this without alienating my best friend, but if that's what it takes to make him realize what he's become over the last year, then it is going to happen.

Yeahhh

So last night was pretty fun. Kristen bought tickets to a show just to see one band, but I understand why cause they were pretty good. We got to make fun of emo people, and I got to feel very weird with Kristen dancing and knowing EVERY fucking word lol. Idk, it was fun. I was the replacement for lemon pretty much, and it was only my second show, but I had fun. I want to go to something like idk... not hardcore or anything, but just a little bit like that? Like I want to go to one where EVERYONE is excited to be there and is jumping all around, and just has massive amounts of energy to use. Whatever, it was fun, the floor didn't cave in, and we didn't get stabbed, so it all worked out fine.

It's a curious thing...

The way people fret over trust, you would think you could have some faith in them, ya know? It's kind of funny in a way though. I know who I can actually trust, and to what degree I can trust them, but some people seem to view it differently. These people seem to think that you trusting them means that they know that much more about you, but still give you little or no trust in return, and some of them seem to think if you trust them that you're a fan of some sort. These people act like they are that one level above you, and that you simply admire them, rather than see them as they are. I hope that in the long run, these people can get their angled noses out from their own asses. Frankly, it doesn't hurt me, but I just realized this. The people who I've always seen as like to good for me or something like that based on my background, actually aren't. The simple fact that they think they are better than others, for whatever reason it may be, is the exact same reason that they are like this. It's a simple observation, and I hope that eventually these people will realize that they're fucking up, because I've noticed that when I did this to a couple people, I eventually realized that I was a dick, and that they were fine the way they are.

It was unexpected really...

I chose today, being the obvious choice, for the day that I would just sit back and relax. Now it was a pretty normal day; I got dropped off at home at like 10, went to lou's for a bit, then just decided to come home and block out everything else. So I spent most of my day just reading my book, playing a game for a bit, and finishing off my cigs because I want to quit and if they're in the house, I'm gonna wanna smoke em. So anyway, it was pretty boring all day, until around 10ish i believe, I'm not even positive as to what time it actually was. But I just felt this like wave of relief and joy all of a sudden. You see, I'd had this nagging feeling all day that I'd either done something wrong, or wasn't doing something I should've been. But that whole like wave thing just hit me and suddenly a lot of things made sense for no reason. I was now in one of the best moods of my life, which I decided to bug the hell out of my uncle and share that information with him, and I understood a few things that had been nagging at me, completely erasing that feeling from me. Idk, long story short; I'm in the greatest mood, though exhausted, and I plan on keep it like this for as long as I can possibly hold on to the feeling. There are a few things I have to face this week and in the near future that may dampen this feeling off.... elation, but as long as I've got this feeling, I'm gonna do pretty damn good. :)

Taken...

Was a great fucking movie. It's honestly better than anybody would think, but I'm not telling any parts. So yeah, me Dorian and Keith went to see it yesterday because Dorian had movie passes, and we had mad fun. We went to the Walmart, and the PetSmart or whatever and I discovered something at both places; you can play music with fish. I know it sounds weird, but I noticed that when you tap the fishtank, the fish scatter. So if you tap it enough, you can get what appears to be a musical number. It didn't work so well at Walmart, where only three of the tanks' fish would respond, but considering that PetSmart has about 30 or so fish tanks, I was playing fucking Mozart lol. I know this seems like the most pointless blog in the world, because it is. However, I'm bored and I said that I'd try to keep posting, so whatever fits, fits.

Oh, on a side note. Somebody was pranking my dad's phone last night, but saying shit that can land you in jail, and he Honestly thought it was fucking me. It seemed like he expected me to say the fucked up shit that they were hearing. Family is one of the most important things to me, so I just see anybody messing with them as directly disrespecting me, I honestly can't believe I got blamed for it. Just fucked up.